As I type this Debbie and I have just clocked 34 years of marriage. We got off to a whirlwind start in our marriage — literally — because there was a tornado over Debbie’s hometown and everyone in the business that served our rehearsal dinner ended up joining us in the banquet room. Sort of like a block party before the wedding! That era was a time of small church weddings with receptions in the church fellowship hall, simple fare prepared by church ladies and lots of friends and family.
As we attend weddings of friends and acquaintances over the years, we’ve noted a trend toward shorter wedding ceremonies and fewer prayers and hymns. Last night’s wedding was under 20 minutes and was filled with movie music and poetry. It even had a “hashtag” — whatever that is – so we could “tweet” – whatever that is – during the service. Last week’s wedding was held in a church but the reception was on the mezzanine of a hockey center. So what have I learned over three decades?
Lesson One: Debbie and I have had the privilege of hosting and attending weddings that seemed to have a different expectation than our ceremony. Some weddings seem more of a preamble before a great party. What I appreciated about Pastor Paul’s officiating last week was that his homily broke from the intended order of service twice. The first break came when Pastor Paul decided to do marital counseling to the entire church full of guests. He stopped the homily and told everyone on the groom’s side of the church to “repeat after me: I messed up, I’m sorry” (at this point he looked the groom in the eye and said “you could at least move your lips”). Then he turned to the bride’s side of the church and said “repeat after me: I forgive you.” Then he reversed the process and had the bride’s side repeat “I messed up. I’m sorry.” Then he turned to groom’s side and directed “repeat after me: I forgive you.” You could tell the bride and groom had not practiced this! Then he stepped back in his role as officiate but he had the wedding guests paying attention.
Lesson Two: A few minutes later he broke form again and pushed past the groomsmen, and while wetting his fingers in the baptismal at the edge of the alter, he spoke to the congregation about the importance of baptizing this marriage in Christ’s love. Finally, with a brief apology for messing up some great hair and makeup he made a wet sign of the cross on the forehead of the bride and groom. You could tell the bride and groom had definitely NOT practiced or anticipated remembering their baptism. Then Pastor Paul went back in role to exchange vows and rings and to send them on their way.
Lesson Three: This reception featured a feast of tacos and a dance for the young at heart. What I noticed was that Pastor Paul was sitting with the grandparents and parents but he didn’t get to eat or relax much. There was a line of guys coming up to him and saying things like: “thanks, great sermon”; or “best sermon I’ve ever heard”: or “wish I had learned that when I was his [groom’s] age” or “what you said is so important for a great marriage.” I got the sense that a couple of these guys wanted to corner the groom to say “Pay attention you need to know this!” Clearly some of these wedding guests had learned this important lesson the hard way! All in all it was a great wedding and we had a great time and I learned a few things too.
To rehearse – Lesson one: “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you” are powerful words — use them.
Lesson two: God’s love is critical for a strong marriage, more critical than great hair and perfect makeup – remember that your baptism covers your whole life.
Lesson three: Pay attention you need to learn this!
Thirty-four years and counting with Debbie. Every tornado siren makes me think of my bride, at least for a moment or two, no matter what I’m doing. If I remember I’m imperfect we might have another 30 years together.
In Christ,
Phil
