I have a tomato; an over ripe, spotted, mushy tomato. It is also extremely frozen in my unheated garage. But why keep an old tomato? At least why not compost it? One could compost it or toss it into the garbage. What could I be thinking?
It is my intention to open the back door, step out from my garage and hurl that vegetable as far as I can. Hopefully as it sails toward the wood splitter, or raised perennial bed garden, the tomato will symbolically take my frustrations along for the ride.
As my wife, oldest son and I picked the apples off our Honey Crisp apple tree last fall we would occasionally run across a fruit with a bruise or worm hole. My master gardener father once told me to get rid of all the spoiled apples in order to halt the spread of damaging fruit pests. “Don’t let them lie on the ground,” he admonished me. Who am I to argue with my earthly father? How did we get rid of spoiled apples? You guessed it, by hurling the offending fruit into our grove of pine trees.
The act of hurling signifies a couple of things for me. My favorite part of hurling tomatoes is that I’m not supposed to do it. There is no local ordinance against hurling tomatoes but it just seems deviant to throw food, hence the pleasure. The first hurled Honey Crisp evoked family shock but they soon joined in the forbidden pleasure. I also like the definitiveness of the action – there is no second attempt or second guess about maybe trying to salvage the tomato by cutting away the spoiled part once I let it fly. Finally, it makes a great big “THWAP” if I hurl it just right. That sound is satisfying.
By definition a frustration is anything we have as a goal that we are being prevented from achieving or possessing. We all need a way to deal with frustrations. Many places in Proverbs suggests being patient and listening to God’s wisdom in order to prevent frustration. James recommends being Christ-like and loving those that irritate or frustrate us. Frustration can also be tamed by talking with a friend; trying to come up with alternative ways to reach our goals; speaking clearly about feelings and expectations or even taking a “reset” in life. Sometimes I just step back and try to figure out why I want something so badly even thought it might not be God’s best for me. I know that living in frustration is not good for my physical health and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t do my spiritual health any good either. When I get frustrated with what God has granted me I am, in essence, judging God’s divine providence for my life as being imperfect, lacking or wanting in some way. That is not a place I like to stay in for very long. Therefore, I hurl tomatoes.
I’ve flung a fig once but I’m pretty sure I’ve never hurled an olive. My guess is that Jesus has done both in his time on earth. The Christ who knows all our emotions certainly knows frustration.
It is important to both express frustrations and have some actions that are definitive and purposeful to express those frustrations. Problems arise when I express myself and end up hurting someone else. There is a mistaken belief that “mature” humans never feel frustration or anger and therefore would never need to keep a rotten tomato, frozen or otherwise, at the ready. I’m not sure how it would be possible to live a fully engaged life without feeling or experiencing frustration from time to time. Much better to hurl a tomato than to say something inappropriate or demeaning. Waiting for the right time for hurling a tomato also allows for the passage of time which frequently prevents me from doing something I will regret. It takes a few moments to get on my coat and shoes, head to the garage, find the tomato and open the back door. Those few minutes give me plenty of time to consider what I’m thinking and feeling. We all need a safety valve. For some people that safety valve is taking a walk, or listening to music, or gardening or, or praying aloud, or blowing out a long slow breath. For me it is hurling a tomato.
Interestingly, that tomato has been sitting there since before the last arctic blast. There are also about 20 apples I picked too early that are frozen and waiting for their moment of flight. Funny, just knowing that tomato is there seems to do wonders for my soul. What does wonders for your sense of frustration?
Happy hurling.
— Phil
